just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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