Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
