It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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