your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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