you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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