Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
