would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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