Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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