Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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