I hate your face
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
