if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
