Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
