i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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