God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
