Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
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I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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