I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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