Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
