he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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