I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
