I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
