I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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