Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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