we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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