we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
