Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
