so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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