Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
