he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize