Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
