she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm bleeding and have questions
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
