I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
