just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
love makes seman taste better
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
