i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
