margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need to calm my uterus...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
