areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
