I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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