I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
