You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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