i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
