I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
