Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
