She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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