So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
