he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
