There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
