Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just puked most of my soul out..
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