Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.

  (646): View more from New York

  I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.

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  (360): I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am. (646): I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ. http://tfl.nu/g49z
  Replies (13) Good night (460) Bad night (1027)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  They always sound like a bunch of chickens.

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  (514): I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record. (709): They always sound like a bunch of chickens. http://tfl.nu/9qu6
  Replies (23) Good night (679) Bad night (1934)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.

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  (512): Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me. (405): I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me. (512): Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked. http://tfl.nu/bn4w
  Replies (64) Good night (2620) Bad night (720)
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  (518): View more from New York

  After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"

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  (518): After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you" http://tfl.nu/k4ce
  Replies (42) Good night (1240) Bad night (6600)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  only you would photoshop your dick

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  (973): only you would photoshop your dick http://tfl.nu/yxwr
  Replies (10) Good night (932) Bad night (4507) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?

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  (407): I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!? http://tfl.nu/85fy
  Replies (18) Good night (9422) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.

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  (605): and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg. http://tfl.nu/8u14
  Replies (10) Good night (3750) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.

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  (903): She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her. http://tfl.nu/v3pj
  Replies (6) Good night (2978) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married

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  (314): My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married http://tfl.nu/9bud
  Replies (11) Good night (643) Bad night (2074) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.

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  (505): He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand. http://tfl.nu/5zt4
  Replies (2) Good night (839) Bad night (1772)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"

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  (740): I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots" http://tfl.nu/pkth
  Replies (12) Good night (5050) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.

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  (510): Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals. http://tfl.nu/vphu
  Replies (14) Good night (2245) Bad night (578)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.

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  (412): I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila. http://tfl.nu/4mhj
  Replies (3) Good night (1751) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE

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  (828): NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE http://tfl.nu/lvmw
  Replies (6) Good night (455) Bad night (1459) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door

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  (336): We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door http://tfl.nu/uhw2
  Replies (4) Good night (383) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt

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