No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.