So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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