I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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