Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
