Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
