so explain again why im purple
no
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
