Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
