So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
