They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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