hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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