i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
