god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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