So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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