I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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