he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
