That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
